Walk Of Consciousness

The notion of culture begins individually. Therefore, I do not believe in being a cultural critic while possessing the inability to critique self—that in itself is a sheer contradiction. For that reason, I have been taking a genuine look at my own mindset in an effort to fundamentally assess the root of certain thoughts and actions that I have been giving way to as of late. When taking an honest and critical look at just about anything, including ones-self, entities begin to surface that are not always the most idealistic, but if they are truth—they must be recognized and dealt with. 

Upon my relocation and commencement of my graduate studies, I have found myself sending out a multitude of emails with my cover letters and resumes in the attachment. I often jokingly say to myself that I am a “professional interviewee", due to the number of tedious interviews that I have sat through these last few months. As I sit through these interviews, though I am always content to say that I am a graduate of The City College Of New York and a current Graduate Student at Howard University, I sometimes feel a bit uneasy and unsure of myself when it is time to say that I am studying African Studies; this uneasiness though, usually only comes when my potential employer does not share the same melanin as I do. In other words, if the person interviewing me looks something like me, I more often than not, feel confident saying that I am studying African-Studies. And if that person happens to be blonde hair and blue eyed, I usually say something to the effect of: “I am pursuing my degree in African Studies with a concentration in Media Studies.” In some way, that extra emphasis/disclaimer on “media studies” line is my attempt to make myself seem a bit more marketable, perhaps a little less intimidating and radical--because these are all the things that I assume that my interviewer is already assuming about me.

Upon a recent reading I engaged in for class, entitled “Who Needs African Studies?” by Martin Staniland—the opening lines of his essay captured my very sentiments and in tandem, made me come to the realization that I am not the only scholar who internally struggles with this frame of mind, making me feel a tad less guilty for the way I have been feeling. Staniland opens by saying, “Scholars in African studies often seem to believe that they are lonely, marginal, and misunderstood. They complain frequently about the ignorance and indifference of the public, the media, and the politicians. Whether their complaints are justified or not, their sense of isolation may make them unusually sensitive to questions of professional identity and purpose—sensitivity sharpened by the facts of Africa’s past and present and the emotions both arouse. These problems are not unique to scholars in African studies. Others in area studies experience them, as do all the millions whose positions in the eyes of the public are unpopular, suspect, or simply insignificant…”

All in all, the cultural/race issue is one that can be equally as empowering as it is controversial. There is certainly a degree of politics that inherently is embedded within many aspects of culture. And just as in a spiritual walk, the walk of social and cultural consciousness comes with its uncomfortable moments; the way we handle those moments though, is one of the truest testaments of our growth within that walk; or in my case, perhaps an inclination on how much more  growth is needed.